Heading To Malawi

The planning, training, packing and discerning are giving way to plain old excitement. We have boarded the plane to London, our first stop, and the polite young Brits have welcomed us to British Airways. Our journey to the other side of the Earth has begun. My son Thomas, our friends from San Marino Community Church, and I are going, ready or not. We are all eager and hopeful for what the coming weeks will bring. May we meet them with openness, humor and grace.

Rise to the Occasion - And No More Tears, Please

Who hasn't had to do something they dread, either because they don't enjoy it, or don't feel comfortable doing it?  Nobody, or I suspect nearly nobody.  This starts early in life - think school assemblies - and continues into adulthood.  Funerals, some business functions, and even holiday events with certain folks top the list of "do I really have to go?" for many.  But still, duty calls, we stand up straight, and do what we have to do.

Apparently this does not hold for the current Speaker of the House of Representatives, Rep. John Boehner.  He has declined President Obama's invitation to attend official state dinners for the leaders of India, Mexico, and this week, China.  Everybody knows that socializing - or a least socializing well - can be tremendously beneficial.  Relationships matter.  Rep. Boehner could certainly benefit from strong relationships with other leaders, including the leader of the most populous state in the world.  But he has chosen not to do so, and further declined to give a reason.  Maybe he doesn't like his president - and yes, Mr. Obama is his president, after all.  Perhaps he wants to send a signal to our communist visitor that there is no unity in the American government; one can only wonder how that would help Rep. Boehner or our country.  Maybe he doesn't like China, or its leader, and wants to send a clumsy message that "I won't put on funny clothing to have dinner with you."  Smart adversaries in all domains - political, military, business, and even athletic - normally jump at the opportunity to see opponents up close and personal, to get to know them, see first hand their outlook, tendencies, and to develop a sense of their character.  But not Rep. Boehner, who must think that somehow he has seen enough, and has nothing more to learn.

What a shame for him, and what a shame for us that Rep. Boehner will not stand up and do his duty for his president, and for his country.

And as a side note, Rep. Boehner, please stop crying in public, which I believe you have now done three times.  While the occasions for your tears were certainly very emotional, Americans really don't like to see their leaders cry even in the most moving circumstances.  Lincoln didn't cry at Gettysburg, Roosevelt didn't cry after Pearl Harbor, and Reagan didn't cry speaking at heartbreaking memorials to our dead at Normandy, to John F. Kennedy, or to the Challenger astronauts.

Ask Somebody!

It's Sunday, January 9th, 2011.  It only took me two tries to type "2011", and not "2010". Or "1992".

Everybody seems excited about the New Year, and it does seem like things truly are different.  The annual holiday friendliness of many people hasn't fully worn off yet.   The parking lot for the gym at the YMCA was full, and jockying for spots on the street was as intense as the spinning and lifting inside.  Lands End has never shipped more raingear to Southern California.  The pews at church this morning were beginning to fill up again after vacation, and the sermon was, fittingly, on new beginnings.

Dinnertime conversation with our four children centered on a particular kind of new beginning:  high school winter formal.  Our senior son has a date, our freshman son is considering his options, and our pre-teen daughters have a lot of advice.  The advice consisted mainly of pressuring our freshman son to "Ask somebody!"

But the heart of the conversation was the story my wife told about her freshman year in college at Berkeley, and being pressured by her friends to find a date for her sorority's winter formal.  "Just find a friend and ask him," they implored.  She picked a guy she had talked with a few times, but first sought clearance from his ex-girlfriend, a young woman who lived in her rooming house - and who had introduced them.    "Well, umm, sure, that's fine with me," she was told, which was followed by a long, uncomfortable period of silence.  "Thanks!" my wife said, finally darting off, away from her housemate and her two friends.  Moments later, she spotted the guy walking across campus, and made the ask right there, right then, no time like the present.  Unfortunately, the guy was already hosting a party in his dorm room the night of the winter formal, so that would be a problem.  But, after a few moments, he hesitated, reconsidered, and decided that he could hold the party some other night.  "I'd love to go with you" he finally declared, and the date was set.

One often has no idea of when a new beginning starts, or to what it will lead.  What is the right advice to offer a son about his winter formal?  My wife's college winter formal had led - some years and much drama later - to her sitting in our dining room with the same guy and their four children over a good dinner, slow and unrushed, full of sharing and funny stories.  Including the best, luckiest story of my life.